Poor

I know my kids go to school with people who have money, it's a $9,000/year school and we barter for their education but one of the parents told me they were also on food stamps, they said that's how they could afford the school for their one child. We could not afford the school even if we paid for our own groceries. Today we went to their house for their daughters birthday party. These people have money. They have a nice house, they have a big truck, they have a wave runner, 2 motorcycles, a pool, a pool table, a trampoline for their child and a not very old, giant amazing outdoor treehouse/playset for their child. Maybe some of the stuff they have had for awhile but the playset was new and the materials must have cost at least $1,000.00 It just hit me so hard. I am normally pretty okay with not having money even with all these families around us who have money. But I thought, wow someone else is sort of like us. But they aren't. I can't even spend a dollar right now, I haven't been able to spend even a dollar for months. I was puking non stop and couldn't spend a dollar on a stupid mcdonalds sandwich.My kid needs new shoes, my oldest doesn't have a bathing suit that fits. I was so glad the other parents were talking and I was on the other side of the yard with the baby because I was about to cry, and if anyone had said anything to me, I would have lost it. I did pull myself together and I did have a good time, the kids had a good time, driving home I was so thankful for what I do have, but then the foodstamp/medicaid letter was in the mail and even though I am pregnant I did not get qualified and share of cost went down, but it's still $227/month. I can't spend a dollar right now, I don't know how I can spend that. I just lost it. I bawled and I looked at our falling down house and I thought about how even among our working class friends not at the fancy private school we are poorer then them. I should be grateful for my healthy family and the blessings we have, and I will be later today. I have stopped bawling, it upset the kids. But I am sad, I am frustrated and I think it's stupid that we are having another kid even though I am so happy about it.


I wish someone could take the kids, it's really hard not to cry right now. This is one of the hardest times we have ever had!