Sisyphus on a mountain of responsabilities

Despite having accomplished quite a bit today I feel like I am being beaten over the head with a large stick by life. Sometimes I feel like Sisyphus, often actually. I Finally (after an embarrassing two weeks of trying to get around to it)mopped the living room floor, and for good measure I also mopped the hallway and cleaned the bathroom. I managed to wash, fold, and put away a number of loads of laundry and I made a home-cooked meal. A really awesome one at that roasted vegetable's (eggplant, onion, garlic, and tomato)pureed, half left somewhat chunky smothered over veggie pasta. It was VERY delicious and quite pleasing to the stomach the way something good for you is. Yet, I have a feeling of failure that I am trying to banish.I did not clean the girls school campus, as specified in the agreement we have going with them. I barely managed to get through Biggest's homework without stabbing her eyes out with a fork and I received a letter from MIL saying I was supposed to pay $125.00 for Hub's car insurance...by today. First we don't have the money, second we can not at this time access our bank account. She informs me she will have to cancel his insurance if we can't pay by today. This is his work truck, of course he is no longer working for his mom's company so that's why we pay that insurance now. It's not that I don't want to pay, it's just that I wiped out our entire paycheck last time paying bills and pay day isn't until Thursday. Hell I'm getting ready to wipe the last of the kids savings accounts to buy milk. Waiting for payday can suck.

So that's me today, giant failure, I can't congratulate myself on what I got done when so many very important responsibilities did not get met.The paycheck isn't here yet and I am fretting over which bills should get paid, and how I need to pull some money out to buy supplies to make an igloo with Middlest.It's times like these when you want to curl in a ball, cry, and just let someone else handle it. BUT there is no one else, so I center myself and I figure out how to make it happen. I figure out which bill can be pushed and how long it will be if we have no unexpected expenses until we are able to pay bills on time again, until we can save money, until, until, until...it echoes through my head. Spending Freeze, cut corners, scrimp, make do, hold it together, remain calm...I can do this and I might not even cry until the kids are in bed.