Here's the history
Hubs travels for work now, which I am getting used to. He is also responsible for the bills, he has been since we got married except for a brief time when I took over and promptly forgot I had taken over. While it's not that Hubs was bad at the bills, unorganized and a bit forgetful yes. Also trying to pay bills on a fluctuating income, one which sometimes was almost non existent. I don't know if you have ever paid bills like this, it means that when there is no money you can't pay the bills and they are then late thereby accruing late fees and getting sickeningly large. So we played the catch up game which is a funny thing b/c the bills are so large you can't pay them all at once making something else late. A vicious cycle that many families are playing.
Here's the story.
I was using the computer and the kids were playing in their room when the electricity went off, at first of course I thought there was just a power outage, it happens often in this neighborhood but then I heard something pounding around outside the house near the electrical box and I knew. It was first thing in the morning which is usually my computer time and often I'm wearing my "pajamas" which is underwear. So I pulled some clothes on and went out to ask for the door knob hanger which I know all to well, not just from my married days but from my teen years living below the poverty line with my mom and sisters and a dad who only paid child support for one of us. I figured it would be maybe $200-300 and I could move some money around in our accounts and write a check. NOPE. The electricity remained off until that evening after Hubs borrowed money from his mom I went through a range of emotions one of which was to run away (a yearning I feel occasionally when things start to get tough), one was pure anger (my friend helped me to see this was disorganization on his part plus he explained how he forgets to deal with the house stuff while he is away so these things helped), and one was a sort of desperate despair (that phrase looks redundant but I think it's appropriate). Anyway one or two days later the water guy came to shut the water off and in my head I am screaming "are you fucking serious!!!??" simultaneously feeling like I might fall down on the ground and cry hopelessly. I had enough money in the account to pay him, by you guessed it putting off another expense.
So here's the future
I am now in charge of the bills and I am determined to not forget or let anything slide. I am willing to reign in all spending with a true miser's glee which I am sure Hubs will not appreciate and I think it will rather suck as well. The first thing to meet the budget cuts has been our vacation, and I had a lot of anger about that b/c I have been telling the kids for so long about it all the while continually checking with Hubs "we can do this right?" I had no idea how the finances looked before this, I thought we were up to date. He assured me every time that we could; not that we could go on some extravagant spending spree vacation but that we could do it. I have created a spending calender; expenses and income marked totals at the bottom of each day and I stress b/c these are just the bills not the daily living things, not the 2 birthday parties we've been invited to (which normally I would sew something, this is WHY is started sewing things, but my mahcine is out of order) or the expenses Hubs requires while he is traveling(which are reimbursed but it's kind of tough when you have no money to pay up front), and all the other little fees and things that come up. But it IS looking up. If Hubs keeps working for this company he gets a steady and consistent income, it's enough that we can do this. The hard part in the beginning is going to be getting everything caught up, this morning I woke up b/c I remembered we now owe his mom $600 for paying our electric bill and I forgot to budget that in somewhere and there is no give now anyway it will have to ride and slowly be paid off I suppose, I remembered I hadn't found anywhere to pull the money Hubs needs upfront for work. Also we still don't know what we are doing about his job situation. He started a company but is hardly working that job (variable as it was I am pleased) and now he needs to work that out and work out if he'll go to work full time for this company he's doing jobs for. Of course if it was just us it would be simple but there are other people that are involved. So we hang on this precipice waiting to work out which path we will take, trying to grow up and become truly responsible all the way down to our pocket book. Because we've grown into parenthood beautifully, we had that first child and responsibility abounded, it hasn't always been easy to figure out but we've done it. None of the struggles I've seen from many parents who weren't quite ready to give up the fun life of no true responsibilities. We just haven't quite gotten the hang of money management, and a lot of times there wasn't enough money to manage (I laugh a bit at that, it makes you stronger you know, but I'm tired of it) but there could be enough, so I ask you if you've read this to pray or hope or wish that this job works out for Hubs. I hope for it but reservedly so b/c I am afraid to get my hopes up too high. I momentarily let my imagination run with the possibilities, now I am focusing on the realities and what must be done to achieve this.
someone broke a glass it's itme to head back to the world.
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