frustration vanquished by a baby girl

ughh feeling stressed out a bit. I am having 2 little girls come over after school and I was going to pick them up BUT it turns out I can't drive around 2 extra kids because one of the seat belts is broken in the van. I HATE that van. I am seriously close to trading in it and Hubs blue van (that doesn't even get used and might possibly not even have all of it's engine together right now)for a newer van with latch, working AC, a working door and all seat belts in working order. This situation has put me in a mood. I have now acted like a bitch to my husband, my mom and I didn't say bye nicely enough to my kids when I dropped them off for school. sigh.

I am some horrible wife who wants my husband to give up his company and go to work for someone else. I want normal, consistent paychecks. I want to pay all the bills on time, and be able to actually save money. I want to be able to FIX our house, I want my husband to be home occasionally instead of working himself to the bone. I have not shared this information in a helpful way though. I have railed against him and the way things are going. I wonder if I should get a job. Maybe I should give up the at home mom thing and just stick Littlest in daycare. Maybe I should stick the baby in daycare. It goes against what we wanted for our kids but maybe it's what has to be done. Maybe I could just go to work until Baby is born and use that money to get a new car. I don't know.

Speaking of Baby, we had the ultrasound and baby had it's legs crossed. It was a cute little skeleton baby. We had a fabulous party that almost went very badly. There were NO SHELTERS at all in the park available. We found 1 grill near a small square table that wouldn't hold all the food. Friends rallied and tables were brought for the food and blankets were laid out and we enjoyed the meal picnic style. There was much excitement when it was time to cut the cake and...


GIRL!! I was insanely excited to see pink, and very surprised because I was sure it was a boy. My sister suggested that since it is our fourth girl we give her the middle name March, and I LOVE it. Now to come up with a first name.

I wish I could spend more time being excited about this baby, but I feel there is so much going on right now. The stupid car, the house, my mom is all kinds of sick, I have my new girl scout troop and Holiday Helper is still going on. I am looking forward to just a moment to breath and I don't really know if I will get one before baby comes. We have the holidays and then we start in with birthdays and then the baby will be here. Is it crazy to look forward to the babymoon as a time to finally get to just STOP? There will be the exhaustion that comes with a newborn but I can just lay around and nurse the baby..her : ) Her, another girl. Amazing. Then I'll come out of newborn stupor and it will be summer vacation and I will get to have my girls around me and we won't have a schedule. Ahh sweet summer.