Maybe one day I will actually be a blogger instead of a visit once every couple of months jotter. A lot has happened. We sent Biggest off to girl scout camp, this was insanely hard for me. Yes I know camp is a lot of fun, but I had trouble leaving her there with people I have never met, girls in charge who looked oh so young, but they were 19, 20 years old. I had to reframe and remember that I was only 20 when I got pregnant with Biggest and was a mother by 21. I did great, young people can do a great job, and these girls had a lot of training and I completely trust the girl scout organization.


Hubs has been working out of state installing solar systems on very large buildings. It has kept him away for half the summer. He leaves for 7-10 days, and then is home for a week. He is extremely excited about this, says he feels like he is finely doing something important, something that will make a difference, that he is at the forefront of what's going on. So I am very happy for him, because I know for a long time he was doing a job that he HATED so he could support our little family. (Not really sure, but I think this might be solar hot water, but maybe not. I know nothing about solar).

I, my readers, left the comfort of my home for 3 days, left the children with Hubs and took off to begin the journey that will lead me to my calling, my career. (By the way, I am going to be a midwife.) I was worried (okay you see here I have been worried once again in one small blog post, yes I worry...a lot when it comes to my kids.) I would be leaving littlest, who is 1 1/2 now and has never really been without me. A few time I have gone out for a couple of hours, but she is still a frequent nurser and here I was leaving for 3 days. I planned to kind of cut down the feedings before I left so I wouldn't be sore while I was gone but the strep bacteria had other ideas. She nursed almost non-stop for the 30 hours before I left AND kept me up to 5 am, which was tough on me, but it's sad to think how much pain she was suffering at this time. Before I hit the road I made an appointment for her and told Hubs how to get to the new Dr's office. Finished an order (okay I didn't really finish it, I finished part of it b/c I had intended to finish it after the baby fell asleep. I felt like an ass for not finishing but my client assures me that she understands, as a mother of 4, I believe her.), and made a present for a birthday party the kids were invited to. I loaded up my stuff, put the Jane Eyre book on CD in the cars player and headed out, thankfully making it in time for my Doula class. It was awesome by the way, I thoroughly enjoyed class, I enjoyed my break from the kids (I was about to go insane before I left for lack of a real break and the sadness at not doing anything to make my dreams come true)and I enjoyed the women I met. Although the only down thing (since conversations with Hubs revealed Littlest was doing great) was that my breast were extremely sore and full. It turns out (and I have been told this, I have just never experienced it) is that pumps and hand expression do not work like a baby. Yes it's fine for the occasional gathering of milk, but some ducts just don't get emptied. Luckily another mom in the class loaned me her baby, which was cool b/c I have always found wet nursing fascinating and he was able to empty the painful sore ducts. The pain was starting to become a shooting pain that would sometimes double me over for a second.

I know I have not mentioned Middlest, poor thing did nothing special, but I think did enjoy being the biggest in the house and the time with parents even if it was split with Littlest.