A fail kind of day.

Biggest is having trouble focusing in school, she is also having trouble turning in assignments. Sometimes because she lies about having homework, and sometimes because she is so disorganized that she simply can't find her finished homework. I blame myself, we live an unscheduled random life with little organization. This is not the first meeting we have had. This time they mention "I don't know if she has ADD or ADHD or whatever, but ..." and then trails off. I wonder, once again, if we moved her ahead too fast. They reassure me that she can handle the material, "she is smart enough...maybe developmentally she isn't ready."... "She won't make it next year if things continue like this." Yes, I say, and then I think of how after the other meetings I was really good about getting her to sit down and do her homework everyday for about two weeks, sort of like I make a new cleaning schedule for the house and succeed for 2 weeks."Change in diet, maybe."..."She doodles a lot, maybe a coping mechanism, I don't know what she's coping with..." In my head I wonder, is it the financial situation, do I yell too much, I've been very absent since I started college. Talking to sister later and she says Biggest seems to be in charge of baby an awful lot. My going to school might be bad for my kids, but not going to school is bad for them too. I'm changing our diet, at least that is what I am starting with. It's gotten really bad since I started school. I'm cutting out HFCS, artificial dyes and preservatives. I am not replacing the food currently in our house but integrating new food and working through our stockpiles. Day #1 went well, although I almost ripped open a box of girl scout cookies 4 times. Day #2 was sort of a failure. Oldest wanted to make muffins. I said I would help, ended up hanging laundry and then getting stuck on the phone with the phone company. She forged on without me and I wasn't able to explain how I substitute butter or applesauce for the shortening. I haven't even had shortening in the house for years, I bought it for their combined party, I messed up the last icing and tried to stick with my mom's recipe. It still didn't work. Anyway, Oldest used 3 cups of shortening instead of 3 tablespoons. It was a stinky, bubbling mess in the oven. I hated to waste expensive blueberries so I turned the rest of the batter into frosting by adding powdered sugar. After running a self clean cycle on the oven I put in a duncan hines strawberry cake, which is loaded with every nasty thing I am cutting from our diets. It's been a fail sort of day, I'm exhausted from the past 5 nights being interrupted by one girl or another. Sickness, vomiting, sore toes, teething. I need sleep and I want time without kids. I want to magically be an organized person who can help teach my daughters to be the best them they can be. Instead I'm a frazzled, tired housewife who spends too much time on school work and mundane chores to give them the time they need. It's spring break, maybe I'll catch up this week. Oh and my dog is covered in something that smells amazingly nasty and I on Saturday I got bit by one of three dogs prowling the neighborhood. Thankfully the kids weren't with me.